Road Trip...WITH KIDS!!

One of my favorite things in the world is a road trip. The open road, the lack of a schedule, it really gives you a sense of freedom.  Well...that was before kids. Now a trip to the grocery store is an all out assault on my sanity!  I'm serious! When we pop in on friends and family for a visit it's like a swat team of noise and toys.  If you've never seen the Cockrell circus up close and personal let me give you a little sample of how we "roll".
    This past summer, my cousin and his wife invited us to go out on their boat down at Lake Cumberland. (About an hour and a half drive for us.) Heather and I accept the invite with more than just a little hesitation knowing that, 1) Driving with our kids is like living in a Twilight episode where time stand stills even though your traveling down the interstate. And 2) My cousin's boat is waaaaay too nice for the "shock and awe" treatment that comes along when the 3 monkeys are really excited...like going on a boat!  Anyway, off we go to make some memories, and admittedly things are going well for the 1st hour. However, as we stopped for our 3rd (yes 3rd pee break) reality started to kick in and here is how it all went down.
    As the van door opens at the gas station, 2 out of 3 are shoe-less and doing the pee dance barefooted in the parking lot while Heather and I dig through the garbage truck that once was our van trying to find the missing sneakers. (Did I mention we are just an hour into it?) Ok, shoes on we bust through the door because, good Lord we've not peed in over 20 minutes and bladers are going to start exploding at any time. I take the twins into the men's room where to EVERYONE'S surprise stands a naked homeless man taking a sponge bath out of the sink. "DADDY! why is that guy..." SHHHHH! Get in the stall,Get in the stall,Get in the stall....As I shove all 3 of us into a one person stall! Now, as I stand there having my shoes hosed down by distracted and very LOUD whisperers of my innocent 7 year olds, I'm trying to think of how we can get out of there with minimal contact with what the kids have now labeled, "Super Naked Man, and his power stink". Well, as luck would have it, the boys and I noticed at the same time a twenty dollar bill drying out over the toilet paper holder. They think they've hit the lottery but I realize that "avoiding" the homeless man is off the table and a "teachable moment" has arisen. Thankfully, as we handed the money back to the guy he had dressed himself and was ever so great-full to the boys for their honesty.
  Back from the bathroom, we decide to grab a drink and from the other side of the store I hear Heather whisper through gritted teeth, "Noah, if you don't straighten up I'm going to wear you out right here and now!" (I told you the wheels came off).
 Anyway, as we all put our goodies on the counter and as the girl starts to ring  us up, the boys notice what each of them have picked out and start what I refer to as shell game of indecision.  It's played by taking one candy up to the counter only to take it back and replacing it with gum and taking the gum back for a sucker all the while yelling, "I want what Scout has, no I want something different, I don't want this, I want what Asher has, followed by NOAH KEEPS COPYING ME!" And if I'm lying about this next part, may I be struck by lighting. The girl quits ringing me up, looks me straight in the eye, motions to the door and says, "just take what you need".  Oooooh no lady, you can't deter this type of chaos that easy! I throw out ten dollars and tell her if that doesn't cover our bill I'll go the garbage truck for more! Needless to say, she was good with that and relieved that this nightmare encounter was almost over....almost.
   We pile back into the van and buckle everyone up as Heather and I look around at the destruction. We see the faces of all the other patrons with looks of bewilderment and smirks and I think to myself...how rude. Well, when they started to point and yell, "YOUR DRINKS ARE ON YOUR ROOF!!!" I realized, they aren't rude....they are just making sure we don't have to come back in the store for round number 2!
  So, if you ever see me white knuckled cruising down the interstate going just a little more than just a little over the speed limit....cut me some slack and get out of my way! I'm on a mission people, I'm making road trip memories with my kids....or just going to the store.